When time did not make sense anyway…

Dear one,

Yesterday you had this feeling that wouldn’t leave you alone… Something tells you, that when you were a child you were better able to be in the flow of time. It was natural to simply follow along, because it didn’t quite make sense anyway. It didn’t matter that it was so incomprehensible, and so you didn’t see the need to worry about it. 

Although you used to wonder whether places like Alice’s Wonderland really existed, you couldn’t be bothered to worry about things like time, and how fast it ran, or whether it could stand still, or be rushed. When there is no understanding of how much time someone has to begin with, there is no awareness of how much of it is left. If today is tomorrow’s yesterday and, at the same time, it is yesterday’s tomorrow, then what was a child like yourself to make of it?

You simply let it flow.

You didn’t feel the need to understand.

It just sounded like some happy nonsense adults would say that you were not supposed to ask about. You just enjoyed the way it sounded, and hope that one day you will be allowed to say something similar to someone else (because that’s what you thought people do when they grow up).

You’re asking, how much did you really care about time when you were little and did other people feel the same when they were younger? Were they wondering if they are “there yet”? Did they ask adults around them, what is time, or was the very concept of it beyond their grasp? Time is a funny thing for someone who is used to seeing, touching, tasting, and smelling the world around them. And even though, as a child, you were able to employ your imagination and to travel within the fantastic land of fairy tales, when it came to the concept of time — this wasn’t something you could picture in your mind. This is where your senses also seemed to fail you.

Does time have a smell?

What about color?

How does time feel?

The only thing you remember about time is waiting. Waiting and waiting, on many occasions, and it did feel long… But that waiting didn’t have a direct connection to time, it was just a state of being in the moment. A moment that kept stretching, and stretching, sometimes beyond your patience. You did hear a lot of “soon” and “in just a little bit,” but to you it simply meant you had to do more waiting, which in turn meant you had to find something to entertain yourself with. 

Yesterday, you fell asleep wondering if you will remember when was it that you first became aware of time…

Oh how you wish you didn’t have to worry about time now and, just like a kid, be in its flow again. To let it come and let it go, and perhaps even be OK with some waiting… Time was never something you had to chase. But now, you have an acute awareness of it and you are constantly on the look-out for time-thieves, trying to manage something that feels unmanageable. You wonder, whether anyone else has mastered this art… You want to know everything they know about it. How do they do it?  Will you be able to manage time?

But what is it you really after, dear one? Is it flow you seek or is it the sense of control over the time itself? What is it you want to feel? What will get you that feeling? 

 

Sleep well, and maybe you’ll find your answers upon waking.

You have them in you.

 

~Anima