How does one reconcile…

My dearest,

How does one reconcile the unsatisfactory level of one’s technique with the height of their aim, you ask… How does one come across coherent in their message if the ways of its delivery are full of noise and confusion? Who will hear through the stutter? Who will see beyond the drafts and pencil marks? You ask, you ask, and again you ask…

So many judges around you, but you are your very own, worst of them all. You better not even start the work, so quickly it turns into shreds from judgement. So hard to satisfy the Ego, isn’t it? It demands perfection. It tells you that practice is all you need, because practice will make it perfect. It puts you to work, but you soon start to despise it. 

You carry the Sisyphus stone.

This task is an ongoing exercise in futility, because it’s impossible. 

Who needs perfection? What a great question! Yet, the mind is too busy chasing it, unable to pause just enough to let the heart consider the answer.

You know you’ll fail to reach it, and not only are you burdened by the expectation, you also feel like you have no one to turn to. It’s hard not to feel alone in pursuit of perfection. Perfection is a lonely path, even if you are not the only one who is on it. Those without these tendencies, do not understand you. They do not know that the Ego does not hold conferences and is not to be appeased through conversation. The Ego makes no deals and compromises. And those ones that share the same perfectionistic tendencies, they too end up criticizing you as an alternative to criticizing themselves (even when done silently, you can still feel it).

So if the outcome of the work meets no high standard, is it worth doing, you ask… Should you set no standard at all in order to be able to do the work you’re after? At the same time, you worry that work without the goals will be meaningless… What if it’s not at all about the goals, but everything about the critic? What is the way to quiet your own? Who else has a say, and what is the way to make that other voice heard instead?

There must be a way, right?

I know you’ll find it.

You always do.

It’s within you.

~Anima