When you first became aware of time…

My dear one,

You may not remember when it was that you first became aware of time as a concept… You do remember though having anxiety about not knowing what it was time for. Things seemed to come too suddenly at you, or end too abruptly, and you had no way of telling how long a couple of days was compared to a couple of hours. 

Of course you were little back then. 

But then you got older and found a way to make things a bit more predictable. You must have been six or seven at that time, probably just started school. Early on you felt the need to come up with some system that helped you keep an eye on the time and its passing. Hard to do for a kid, but you did it. You looked for patterns in things and what people around you did day to day — anything that would help you tell how much time had passed — you took note of. All this, not necessarily because you needed to know what time it was, but as a means of foreseeing a transition. 

Time had a sort of contextual relevance. 

It would tell you when one thing will end and another will start, and it helped you find a place and a pace for yourself.  You knew, for example, that you would have to put the books from grandpa’s library away before someone got home. When you lived near the station, you could hear the train come, which gave a convenient whistle. That was enough of a warning for you to grab a stool and, one by one, put the volumes back on the shelf.

Then you would hide in the closet to calm down a little bit and to compose yourself. Just a few minutes should be enough, as you knew that if you took a bit longer, grandma would confront you, thinking you were devouring pastries in secret. (Little did she know that those books and the images in them, were the sweetest treat in the world and the most that you have ever wanted.) 

I wonder how much your perception of time has changed over the years…

Why is it that, even though you have many means of telling it down to a second and have the power to manage your days, you get so anxious about time? What is it that makes you feel out of place and out of pace?  What is the way you can find your rhythm?

I hope you get curious with me…

And remember, everything you need is already in you.

~ Anima

P.S. Need tangible guidance on getting hold of your time? Feel like you need more of it? Here is an idea…